God damn it, thinks Deborah Ross, I'm even more adorable than ever! Deborah Ross receives acupuncture to help her with the smoking, as she's not getting through enough packets a day. Actually, Deborah Ross has cut down magnificently.So, to the new Deborah Ross, which is me. Yippee, thinks Deborah Ross, I can have them! Bloody hell, thinks Deborah Ross, who is this Deborah Ross? And who is to say I'll ever take to her?Deborah Ross returns to Dr Joshi who weighs her and discovers that she's lost 5lbs. The packet is passed round all the staff until one finally announces: "Seeds". One morning, Deborah Ross finds herself in her local health food shop asking if pumpkin kernels count as nuts (not allowed) or seeds (allowed).
Deborah Ross luckily makes it to the fifth floor facilities, although would have preferred them to have been on the first floor. Deborah Ross wonders if this kind of thing ever happens to Kate Moss.WEEK THREESome weird things are happening to Deborah Ross: 1) she wakes more easily; 2) her skin has improved; 3) she no longer has that feeling of lead in her veins; 4) her stomach aches have diminished; 5) she had a glass of wine but it gave her stomach pains and she didn't want another; 6 ) she appears to be effortlessly getting though a lot of water, even though last time she aimed for two litres her shrunken, dehydrated bladder complained so much that if it weren't for the nice man opening Argos on the Holloway Road early one morning there would have been an embarrassing incident.And this is not all. Deborah Ross races towards Dickens & Jones as fast as someone fiercely clenching their anus muscles can. Afterwards, she was told to hang around for 15 minutes because if there is any excess water in the bowel, it will want to expel it, and if that's the case, you have very little time to play with. So Deborah Ross hangs around reception, as does someone from Girls Aloud. Deborah Ross eventually departs but half-way up Wimpole Street her bowel says playtime is over. He specialised in treating ballet dancers, who generally live on Diet Coke and cigarettes, some of whom were suffering brittle bones at a terrifyingly young age.
His focused shifted from bones to diet which, in turn, led to his Holistic Detox Programme.Dr Joshi says he now has a surprise for Deborah Ross. Oh goodie, she says, a Terry's chocolate orange? No, he says, it's a colonic irrigation. Deborah Ross is booted upstairs to the nice Russian lady but whose name she never caught in the trauma of it all. Deborah Ross is so prissy she won't have sex with either the light on or off. (This is why she's convinced her son is the new Jesus).She will only say that when she was offered the chance to have a look at what was coming out the tube, she said thanks but no thanks.